I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
