I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
