my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
