So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
