Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
