WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
