i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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