Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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