So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
