It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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