Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize