Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize