i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
