You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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