We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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