I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
