I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
