so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
