My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
