Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
