I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
