I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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