I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
