I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize