So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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