I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
