Kiss
Puke
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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