I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
