He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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