I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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