so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
