Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
