is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
