we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize