Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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