it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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