In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
