was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize