My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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