Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
