We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
