I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
