It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize