On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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