i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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