Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
