btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
