so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
