So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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