I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
