I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
