Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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