it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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