this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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