I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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