Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
