Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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