I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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