you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
