I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
