Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wanna go halves on a baby?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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