Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
