Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize