That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
