Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Holy shit dude........stairs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
