why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
