she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
