i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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