Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
