Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
