they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
