I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
